Nibbling Grass!!!

Once in a while the most familiar things in a persons life can act in strange and unsettling ways and when this happens it can really throw one right off track. A classic example of this took place just last week at the final round of the American Medical Association's "High Balls for Charity' golf tournament.

The tournament play over the first three days was dominated by the absolutely brilliant performance of an Obstetrician and Gynecologist from Miami. As a result, he and his three partners, a neurosurgeon, an internist, and a G.P. had a commanding seven stroke lead going into the final round. He stood to win the Individual Trophy, and with his partners, the Best of Tourney Foursome title. They all continued to play well, and though their lead had dropped to 5 strokes by the sixteenth hole of this final round, a win was almost certain.

On the 16th hole, the obstetrician stepped up to the tee and made a beautiful drive and was on the green in two, and then proceeded to three putt the final 10 feet. This was a little disturbing to his partners, but, it was only one hole, they still had a three stroke lead, and there were only two holes left. They clapped their fellow player on the back, encouraged him quietly, and play continued.

The same pattern continued for the 17th hole. A great drive, a chip onto the green followed by a disastrous putting performance that chopped their lead to a single stroke! Now his partners were getting concerned for besides missing the title, a few side bets made with some of the competition would make this a very expensive loss. There really wasn't a lot they could do but coach him, try to encourage him to get his focus back, and continue.

The final hole was not all that difficult, a Par four hole that the Obstetrician had managed to birdie on each of the previous three days, so his partners still felt they had the tournament in the bag. They were very encouraged when he drove onto the green in one, and to within two feet of the hole with his second stroke. They only needed par to win and the tournament seemed in the bag. They all relaxed, the Obstetrician stepped up, addressed the ball and three putted to lose the tournament by one stroke.

His partners were dumbfounded. They simply could not understand what had happened. Only three holes ago a win was in sight. Fame, fortune and bragging rights were theirs, and now they were paying out ridiculous side bets and all they had left to look forward to, was eating a lot of crow as a result of some premature bragging the night before. They felt they had the right to know what had happened to their dream, so they cornered the Obstetrician in the 19th Hole bar and demanded an explanation.

For several minutes the Obstetrician sat and considered their request as he sipped his drink, then said, "Everything was going just fine until I got to the green on the 16th. Did any of you notice that gorgeous brunette in the lime green dress?"

They all remembered her. She had indeed been a looker and, they being male, had all fantasized her rape and violation.

"Well", said the Obstetrician, "When I got down and sighted for my putt she was squatting down on the far side of the green and she wasn't wearing a damned thing under that short little dress, and she had her ass down in the long grass right at the edge of the green, directly in my line of sight. Every putt I made on those last three holes she moved so she was squatting right across from me and I had that Nancy staring me right in the face every time I made a putt. Totally threw me off my game."

"That's a load of Bullshit", cried the Internist. "Jesus Christ, man, you're an Obstetrician! You see and poke around in a hundred of those things a day. Anyone would think you'd never seen one before!"
The Obstetrician simply stared him straight in the eye, raised one eyebrow and said, “And when was the last time you saw one that kept on nibbling grass?"