The Free Beer Challenge

Free Beer

You meet all kinds of people as you go through this life, but my friend Clyde, a somewhat underclass individual from the East Hastings area of Vancouver, is one of the strangest I have encountered. He is one of those individuals who has a passionate love of beer, who cannot resist a challenge, and who when mixing the two, displays a total lack of good judgment.

One day last month as we were walking down one of his favorite downtown Vancouver back streets we passed one of the local taverns and Clyde was stopped dead in his tracks by a large sign in its' window which advertised;

FREE BEER- on condition.

His curiosity and love of the pale ale forced him to enter the place and I simply had to follow. Clyde went up to the bar and asked the bartender what the sign meant.

The bartender on duty advised him that the sign was for real, and that all he had to do was fulfil three conditions, the first being that he had to pay for and drink at least two large shots of Tequila while he considered the other two. This seemed reasonable to Clyde and against my advice he ordered a double round for the two of us. The bartender then told him that if he decided to accept the challenge and met the other conditions, these drinks would be free and in addition he would be entitled to drink as much beer as he liked for a whole month absolutely free. The second condition was that he had to enter the back room of the tavern and remove an infected tooth from the rear upper jaw of a seventeen foot long alligator that was kept there as the owner's pet and the bar 's mascot. "Think about it and if your interested I'll tell you the last condition."

Now this sounded downright dangerous and Clyde had to do some serious thinking so he polished of his Tequilas, had a couple more then finally asked the bartender what the last condition was.


The bartender told him that the last condition wasn't nearly as hard as the second. Room 332 upstairs was rented by a 100 year old squaw who was sex starved. She was so old and ugly her sex life has dried right up and all he had to do was go upstairs and fuck her till she smiled.

Again Clyde had to think this over, but after a couple more Tequilas, he managed to stand up, told the bartender the bet was on, staggered to the back room, entered and closed the door behind him.

There was a moment of quiet and then a terrible explosion of sounds of mayhem, destruction and wild activity erupted. Screams, roars, bangs and crashes went on and on for a good forty minutes but then there was a quiet time when all that could be heard was a sort of loud purring sound.

The door finally opened, and Clyde emerged. He was bruised and bloody, his clothes were all ripped and torn, but he staggered over to the bar and asked, " Now! Where's this old squaw with the bad tooth?"