When I was a young man, I had a friend named Albert, who had, as many did in those days, dropped out of school when he reached the age of fifteen to work on the family farm. He did well and was happy but then tragedy struck. Albert fell in love when he was seventeen, and decided he was going to get married. His whole family was against it. They didn't particularly like the girl who was to become Albert's bride, and they felt that Albert was much too young, and they tried for months to talk him out of this rash decision.
Albert, as young people often do, felt that this interference in his life was totally without merit and resented their attitude to the point where he refused to discuss the matter any further and simply proceeded with his plans, The only exception to this rule was Albert's Uncle George who quietly listened to Albert's problems when he wanted to talk, gave him good advice, but left the decisions up to Albert. He never censured and he never told Albert what to do. He was a very wise man.
It was only logical then, that as the big day swiftly approached, and Albert began to have some concern about his wedding night, he turned to Uncle George for advice. It turned out that Albert, despite his occasional bragging to his friends, was still a virgin. He wasn't stupid, but he was naive, and he was extremely worried that he was going to do something wrong on his wedding night that might embarrass him in front of his new bride.
She, apparently, was under the impression that he was very experienced in the ways of the world, and Albert dreaded the thought that she would catch him in a lie right at the start of their life together. He had seen animals do it a thousand times, he felt he would handle the situation well, but he simply couldn't banish his worry over possible disasters he kept imagining. Could Uncle George suggest anything that might put his mind at rest.
Uncle George tried to reassure Albert that all he had to do was let Nature take its course and everything would be fine, but Albert was still concerned. They thought and talked for a long time and eventually developed a plan that seemed to comfort Albert.
The newlyweds would spend their wedding night at the Clapboard Motel down on Main Street and Uncle George would arrange to have an adjoining room. The motel was notorious for having walls so thin that everything that went on in another room could be clearly heard by all the neighbours. If Uncle George heard anything going wrong he would rap on the wall to let Albert know and thus save his reputation. Albert was satisfied with this plan and went away secure in the knowledge that experience was only a knock away.
The wedding was beautiful, the reception was perfect, and Albert and his new bride finally arrived in the Bridal Suite. After some preliminary champagne and kissing and cuddling, Albert excused himself and went into the bathroom to prepare himself for this night of all nights.
He took a very long time with his ablutions, and his patiently waiting bride developed a severe urge to evacuate her bowels. She was a timid young thing and didn't want to ruin her wedding night by rousting her new husband out of the bathroom just so she could use the crapper, but she couldn't control the urge. Desperately searching the room she found an old shoe box in a closet and squatting over it relieved herself. She just finished as Albert came out of the bathroom, and she got rid of the evidence of her actions by giving the shoe box a hard push and sliding it under the bed.
After some more wine and kissing she went into the bathroom for her preparations and Albert set the scene for what was to follow. He folded down the bedclothes , turned all the lights down low, got out of his bathrobe, and went around to his side of the bed and sat on the edge of the bed. He bounced up and down several times to test it out and with the exception of a bad squeak that Uncle George could hear clearly, it seemed just fine,
Done with his testing, he started to get into bed but proceeded to step right into the shoe box that his new bride had used to relieve herself when she slid over to his side of the bed. Unable to see in the dim light, he reached down, picked up the box, smelled it and exclaimed in a loud voice,
"Jesus Christ, there's Shit in this box!".
The silence of the night was shattered by a loud frantic pounding on the wall by his head and he could hear Uncle George yelling,
"TURN HER OVER, BOY!"
For God's sake,
"TURN HER OVER!!"
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