A Lot of Bull

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherited the family ranch, but unfortunately, after just a few years, they were in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they needed to purchase a bull so that they could breed their own stock.

Since the brunette sister was more capable when it came to business it fell to her to arrange a purchase so she did.

When she was ready to leave and pick up the bull, the brunette told her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrived at the man's ranch, inspected the bull, and decided she wanted to buy it. The man told her that he would sell it for $599, no less. The brunette was delighted because she had only taken $600 to buy the bull.

After paying him, she drove to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walked into the telegraph office, and said, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explained that he'll be glad to help her, then added, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realized that she would only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and said, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shook his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explained,
'My sister's blonde.
The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly....
'come
-for
-da
-bull.'

WIND FROM BEHIND

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A fart it is a pleasant thing, it gives the belly ease,

It warms the bed in winter, and suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet; a fart can be loud,

Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short, or a fart can be long,

Some farts have been known to sound like a song...

A fart can create a most curious medley,

A fart can be harmless, or silent, and deadly.

A fart might not smell, while others are vile,

A fart may pass quickly, or linger a while...

A fart can occur in a number of places,

And leave everyone there, with strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairies, to small elevators,

A fart will find all of us sooner or later.

That farts are all bad, is simply not true

We must never forget... old farts like you!

Kinda brings a tear to your eye - don't it

Rastus and Mandy

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One day Rastus went and bought himself a new used car.

It was a real beauty:

Fire Engine Red, only 4 dents

The lights all worked, & it went like hell.

He was very proud of his new wheels.

He couldn’t wait to show his girlfriend Mandy.

Almost immediately he drove into her driveway and hollered

“Hey, Mandy girl!! Come on outs and take a ride in my new car.”

He jumped out, ushered her into her new chariot and then they took off in a cloud of dust down the road.

He got up to 40 mph and Mandy said: “Oh, Rastus. We’s goin too fast!”

“Hell No Mandy This here’s a almost new used car and it goes a lot faster.”

The speed went up to 60 mph and Mandy screamed; “Oh, Rastus. We’s goin much too fast!

Rastus just laughed and booted his pride up to almost 80 mph but then he suddenly ran out of road.

The car went arse over tea kettle

Airborne

Upside

Downside

Crash

Thump

Bang

Tinkle

Silence.

When Rastus woke up, he crawled out of the wreck and called out

“Mandy! Mandy! I sees you girl! Is you hurt?”

Mandy’s weak voice replied,

“Oh Rastus, I is split from my belly button to my asshole”

Rastus snorted: “I knows that Mandy, I asked,

Is you hurt?”