The Defective Parrot

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Clyde went into a pet store one day and spied a parrot sitting on a perch beside a sign reading “Talking parrot $200”

'Wow,' said Clyde . “Can you really understand and speak English?'

The parrot answered, 'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, and philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'
Clyde looked at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' said the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!'

“Hold on,” Clyde said. “If you don’t have any feet how can you sit on that perch.

'Well,' the parrot said, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
Clyde offered $20 and walked out with the parrot.

Weeks went by. The parrot was sensational. He had a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. Clyde was delighted.

One day Clyde came home from work and the parrot went, 'Psssst,' and motioned him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man.’

'What are you talking about?' asked Clyde.

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' Clyde asked incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' Clyde exclaimed. 'And she let him?'

'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over.....'

The frantic Clyde demanded, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'

'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off the bloody perch!'