A Last Wish Fulfilled

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The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of Ottawa. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Ex prime-ministers Jean Chretien and Brian Mulroney before I die," whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father." replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to the Prime ministers office and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived that the former prime-ministers were delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Jean commented to Brian "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us but it will certainly help our images and might even get me re-elected someday." Brian, agreed that it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Brian's hand in his right hand and Jean's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face. Finally Brian Mulroney spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

"Amen," said Brian.

"Amen," said Jean.

The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same." !!

The Difference Between Potentially and Realistically

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A young boy went up to his father and asked him,

'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to, fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in, a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him,

'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?

The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars.

But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a homo

The Big Game Hunter

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A big game hunter walked into a bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. Then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. He was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks.

The bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear."

Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle."

He was right.
They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk.
He took a bit longer and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle."
He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again,

Every time against a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.
He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?"
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you.

You got into bed and put your hand down my panties.
Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced,
"Skunk, killed with an axe."