Slightly Naïve

One day a husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.’ when they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'

'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said .. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.  'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have se x with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'  

The genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.  After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, ‘how old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.

'No Kidding,' he said.

 "Thirty-five years old? 

and

You still believe in Genies?" 

The Painter

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A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman', and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs that she could do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50 ?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realise that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it ?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes", the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50, and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

"And by the way" the blonde added, "It's not a Porch, it's a Lexus".

The Power of Tin

 The Power of Tin



An RCMP officer stopped at a ranch up in Iron Mountain, B.C. and talked with the old ranch owner.

He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegaly grown drugs.”

The old rancher said, 'Okay, but don't you dare go in that field over there.'

The RCMP officer verbally exploded saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.'

Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displayed it to the farmer.

'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land. No questions asked or answers given.

 Have I made myself clear?

Do you understand?'

The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.

Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and spied the RCMP officer running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer and the officer is clearly terrified.

The old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

“Your badge!

Show him your fucking badge!”